Stone Age dream | A Neanderthal’s take on what it’s like to evolve.

“We have progressed from the Stone Age and moved on to the age of stone hearted people”                                                – Amit Abraham

Gabriel, a Neanderthal from Stone Age Munich gets a 60-minute peek into his land of the present day. And blogs(1) out his heart.

‘By the holy axe, that is hot!’ was my first reaction when I touched the gleaming exhaust of a motorcycle that this white (argh!) guy had just parked beside me. ‘Hast du einen Vogel?’ (with a look that suggested I better GTF outta there) was his.

Actually, I wasn’t kidding him or anyone else. And you know that. The gleaming shape of metal had just caught my fancy and all I did was touch the thing. Frankly speaking, it did look like the same metal that makes up most of my ehm, ornaments, but then curiosity got the better of me.

Okay let’s axe it. So they call this place Munsh..Munchich…Tunic…Tuna salad…Munich! Aha, bloody München and the bloody münchenish guys living there! Whatever. To be honest, I’m not so much in love with this place. I mean, it has evolved. Still, I have not yet come to terms with this evolution. Let’s reconcile the two Accounts (!) then –

Firstly, I do not know why these people seem to care so much for trees. Back in our land, we encourage deforestation. The Dinolympics committee has recognized the sport and is now doing everything it can to promote it. Frankly, I don’t get the logic. Why to care about a couple hundred when you have quadrizillions!

The other thing that I don’t get is this – ‘Where have the goddamn Dinos gone?!’ I suppose the Town Planning Committee must somehow have gathered the courage and leashed them. I don’t blame those chaps.

I have a pet. A medium sized one. At least by my era’s standard. I like to call him blade. It’s not a poodle. I don’t even know why I said poodle. Maybe cuz the entire Munich owns poodles. There are just so many of them! And it’s not like they are adorable. Umm, maybe they are and that’s why they have every girl in Munich smitten. My Rhinocerous (What?! Did I not mention the type of animal earlier? I beg your pardon.) loves me. He may not be as cute, primarily because of that big solitary thingy that sits on his forehead. But he sure does a pretty clean job of guarding my cave when say, I’m sleeping. My inclination towards pets is driven more by my own selfish utilitarian needs than glamour, pride and style. Enough poodling around!

Now, let’s move on to the most important thing. I went to this restaurant called Schwarz & Weiz (Black & White) which was just a couple of blocks from the spot where I well, appeared. I just cannot figure out why Grilled T-Rex Ears and Roasted Tuataras have not made it to the menu. I suppose all the T-Rex’s have somehow miraculously been captured and kept in a zoo! There’s nothing here that can be called food! Ew! I can’t even tell if I’m looking at desserts or soups. Nonsense!

 Ah, the life back home…

The Time-Turner(2) was configured to work for only an hour. And an hour spent in Munich can only get you so far. There are just so many things to see and quarrel about! You’ll now complain about my travelogue focusing on too few things. I assure you, the things that matter most to me are – my life, my Rhino, my err…dinos, trees and food. So naturally, these are always going to be the first things on my plate and my perspective of looking at life will largely be influenced by these factors alone. There’s nothing else in Stone Age, mind you.

If all the biased articles were to line up in an F1 sort of grid, this one would effortlessly take Pole.
But then, we’re talking about the Stone Age and they did not have F1 back then.


^1 The WordPress Team is of the opinion that Cave Paintings are passé and blogging is the new cool! Hence the effort.

^2 If you know what that is, I love you.


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